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Havent posted in awhile but here you go... [Nov. 30th, 2011|01:21 am]
[Mood: |contemplativecontemplative]

Lots has changed.
I am seeing someone who my mom likes (Yeah, finally found someone she doesnt dislike). River is warming up to him a lot and that makes me extremely happy. He wants to be a part of her life, and be there for her. This makes my heart sing.
Shes getting so big now. She will be two in Feb. :)
My friends list has grown very short the past year or so. I'm OK with that. The few friends that I do have, actually stuck by me through the bad and the good.
There are some that I have lost that I do wish to try to mend things with. But I dont know if that will ever happen. I reacted badly and said things I shouldnt have and did things that were wrong. I know this now and I would like to make amends but if that cant happen, well, i guess thats how the cookie crumbles.
As I sit here and read back on this journal I turn red with embarrassment, smile at fond memories and sigh at drama long past.
I am working on getting my life together with someone who is supportive, with friends who care and love me even though I can have what they like to call "subscriptions".
Ive been through a lot the past year. Had an abusive boyfriend for 8 months but it is now over. I am moving on with my life and glad that I have someone who cares.
Maybe things will get better.
I go back on my medication this week. I hope this goes well.
I dont know if anyone even reads this anymore but if you do, I hope you are well.
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I kept her.. [Feb. 18th, 2010|12:29 pm]
[Mood: |cheerfulcheerful]


I am so in love :)
Im tired, worn out, sore and a little cranky. But I wouldnt trade it for anything.
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Waaaaatch It! Buwahaha [Feb. 25th, 2009|07:04 pm]
[Mood: |artisticROFL]

And this one:

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S.O.S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Sep. 26th, 2008|11:40 am]
[Where my ass is sitting: |school]
[Mood: |anxiousMew!]
[Music Im listening to: |none]

I have NO money basically, my family WONT bring me my check apparantly and I only have $5 to my name! I need gas in my car enough to get me to school and back or money for the bus. If ANYONE can help me please! even $1 can help cause that means a bus ride.
I am trying to find a job that will give me hours, i only got 2 1/2 in the past two weeks
my father wont send me money like he PROMISED he would.
Im so fucked right now
Sorry this is so frantic but I have gas enough to get to the gas station. I dont hardly have enough to get to school and back for monday.
*curls up*
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An apology much over due [Jul. 22nd, 2008|06:43 pm]
[Where my ass is sitting: |Home]
[Mood: |anxiousanxious]
[Music Im listening to: |Rob talking]

Last year, I acted out in a very childish way.
Robin's other girlfriend Crystal, was the victim of my stupidity. Certain people who were my "friends" at the time fed me all sorts of bullshit, had me thinking that she was a horrible person and that she was going to do as Neon had tried to do. Take Robin away. They had me in such a mind set that I lashed out. I did everything I could to to push her out of his life.
I look back on it now and I am ashamed and hope that things between us can be restored. I hate the fact that I did what I did and its time to take responsibility for my own actions.
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things i want to save [Jul. 19th, 2008|04:24 am]

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Its been awhile. [Jul. 10th, 2008|06:58 pm]
Since i updated.
im back with Robin *big grins* And things are going great so far.
Livin in winston now.
just a small update
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So, Im an Intern now. And other things. [Apr. 16th, 2008|09:43 pm]
[Where my ass is sitting: |Grams]
[Mood: |chipperBouncy but tired]
[Music Im listening to: |Red Hot Chili Peppers-Snow (Hey Oh)]

Yeah im an intern for the VOC, Vanguards of Comics. Woot!
Hopefully one day when i can draw worth a fuck, ill be the first female member? I dunno. Its a goal so yay.
Still in school working my ass off.
FUCK gettin up that early again!!! lol I hate getting up before noon.
Might be getting a job. God I hope i get this. Itll be third shift for my vampire ass and ill finally fit into a schedule i like. School, work, sleep, hang out with friends, repeat NEEDS to be my schedule this summer. Also I get weekends off so those will be the days I hang out at Empire. You bitches need to come and fuckin visit me! Its off Peters Creek!
Ive gotten into a band called Paramore. well one of their songs is fuckin addictive so Yeah. I like em
the other songs arent so bad.
Also Techno for the win still
Ugh so im tired as fuck and i have to mow and vaccuum tomorrow. jeez i hope its quasi chilly so when i push-mow i wont pass out from dehydration.
I tend to be a dumbass and focus too much on getting it all done and i dont drink enough water. Thats how i almost got mah foot cut off once so Ive learned my lesson lol
alright yall be good and dont do anything i wouldnt do. If you dont get caught!
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Cell gamma [Mar. 29th, 2008|01:03 am]
Is the SHIT!
Its fucking AWESOME!
Its the first tabletop RPG ive EVER paid attention too!
today was good
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2:30 in the AM [Mar. 23rd, 2008|11:37 pm]
[Where my ass is sitting: |The Cell called a room]
[Music Im listening to: |Here we are-Breaking Benjamin]

and i should be in bed. but im not
Im tired of feeling tired. I want to enjoy myself but alot of the time i have felt unhappy or just kinda...bleh.
I miss having someones arms around me at night or someone to curl up against.
Im so scared to get into another relationship but I still want one.
I want someone who is truthful and caring. Someone who wont bullshit me.
But it seems i just have no luck.
Ive tried dating a girl and....i care about her but....i dont think I am good enough for her. I am older and need someone my age or older. Someone who has been places and knows what hell life really can be. But someone who can -still- find joy in things. Who can have fun.
I dont know if I want a guy or a girl. Hell right now I have crushes on both sexes. But thats all. just crushes. Ive only talked with said crushes what, two or three times? What the hell is wrong with me. I look at these people and they are pleasing to look at. I talk to them and find that they are alot of fun to talk to. And i instantly take a liking to them. This does change eventually into friendship or unrequited feelings. I dont know if i will ever say love again. being in love gets you fucking hurt.
Hell even caring a little bit gets me hurt. But i cant help myself. I fucking care about people. Im starting to hate it but then people like my Girl and Rob and Gretch come along and make me see that its Ok to care. That I am ok being me.
I just dont know anymore.
And as for the "Alt" lifestyle which i have been trying to explore bit by bit, i have discovered i am one of the few who are -directly- in the middle.I want to explore the Sub part of things. There are times when I will deny this but on a night like tonight.....I want to hand over everything to someone. to be told what to do, what i should be. That maybe i could if even for a minute be something someone was fucking proud of.
I just dont know anymore.
I wish.....and i know i should be careful but to hell with it....I wish someone caring and loving and who can pick me up by the scruff and set me straight would come along. Someone...tall and dark. To hell with handsome. Ive no taste for many "handsome" men. Someone who I am attracted to would be nice. hmm...not obese but not beanpole skinny. Mmm someone who can give great hugs.
*sigh* See here i go again. Dreaming of something that will be just that. A dream.
Thought things would be different once i hit 19....guess not
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